There are many possible ways to address this.

• The control of the Birthaversary time is ultimately in the celebrant’s control. You could ask them if it is okay to include their sibling. Lately, I say that the gesture is beautiful but a Birthaversary celebration is for special 1:1 time.

• You could discourage this by offering a short activity after the Birthaversary.

• Remind the sibling that their Birthaversary is upcoming and they will get 1:1 time.

It does not matter. What matters is that you made the child feel important. It may also give you a shared memory of something to look back upon and laugh at.

I reserve the right to leave after 15 minutes. The 15 minutes is a minimum guideline. When the timer goes off, I often say, “ I have a little more time today.” I don’t usually go past 30 minutes.

Three reasons:

1. To give significance to the moment

2. To remember the activity

3. To record their appearance on that day in time

• I currently have 8 grandchildren; I do not want to set precedence.

• If my children want me to stay longer, they can suggest it before the Birthaversary starts.

• My children are probably happy to see me for 30 minutes but longer than that could/would disrupt routines.

• I want my visits to be welcomed, not dreaded. For example, ”Oh no. Mom is going to be here for hours and I am just not in the mood for visiting.”

This has happened twice.

• Three year old: When I said time is up, she said that it wasn’t. Then I tried to reassure her that we would meet again next month. She ran out of the room crying. Within a short amount of time, she stopped crying.

• Five year old: The Birthaversary was at my house while her mom ran to the store. Her mom returned without warning and crying ensued. She wasn’t done with her coloring and drawing. I asked her if she wanted to take some materials home with her to finish and that calmed her down.